Dear Little Zoe,
You have stolen my heart. You are only 7 weeks old but you are a tiny thief. I can't tell you how excited I am to have you. My first girl; my third child; my little Zoe.
I have loved you dearly since the first time I found out I was expecting you. Here's the story of how I found out:
The day after I turned 29 years old in early November, your older brother Joshua and I headed over to the nearest walk-in clinic since he was having a pretty bad cough for many days. I handed him the iPad, seated him down in the empty waiting room and headed over to the glass window to announce our arrival. A receptionist in her late 30s slid the glass window to the side and greeted me warmly. I gave her Josh's health card and explained the cough, the fevers, the chills, the works. She took the info and told me to have a seat. As I turned to leave, I quickly turned back and she paused mid-slide. She opened the window all the way once again and I asked if it's possible to also be tested for pregnancy, since I am at a walk-in clinic.
In the previous month there may have been a few fun nights with your Daddy that may or may not lead to baby number 3 for us. As a mommy with Type 1 Diabetes I have to find out as quickly as I can so I can start being proactive and diligent about my blood sugars.
The receptionist took my health card, my info - T1D for 8 years, not on any contraceptives, Daddy and I are trying-ish to conceive - gave me a pee cup and I did my thing in the ity-bity waiting room bathroom. She graciously kept her window open and one eye on Joshua while I peed... not very graciously, but either way there was enough there for a dip stick. I was in a rush to see that Josh was still in Zombie-mode with the iPad and had not wondered off into the Pharmacy or down the street. As you will find out, he is an adventure-seeker and explorer at heart, so it would not have surprised me (nor will it surprise you). I washed my hands with the door open while watching him continue playing Sonic.
I delivered my "specimen" and sat down next to Josh. Within a minute, we were in. Again, in the smallest examination room conceivable. So small, that once the doctor came in, I had to step aside and behind the door he had just closed to allow him room to walk past the exam table and over to one of the two chairs in the room. It was awkward and he apologized.
He asked me what would be my response to being pregnant. I responded that I would be excited and I meant it. He said, "Well good, because you are definitely pregnant. Very, very early pregnancy but very surely pregnant."
I truly was excited. I wanted to hug him... but that would have been awkward and the spacing of the room did not allow for such a gesture, nor would it be welcome. I resolved to wait till I saw your Daddy in a few minutes.
I barely heard what he said from there on. Something about seeing family doctor, taking vitamins, blah blah blah.... I was pregnant! I was making a baby! God had blessed us with another little tiny life growing inside.
The doctor checked Josh and said he has a simple cold and sent us on our way. That's good news, times two.
You, Zoe, are baby number three for your Daddy and I. Both your brothers, 6-year-old Noah and 3-year-old Joshua, were conceived while your mama was Type 1 Diabetic. Thankfully both pregnancy were wonderful, with no complications and no issues. Labour and delivery were all natural (both pregnancies were considered "high risk" due to my pre-existing diabetes and so I wanted as little intervention as possible) easy-ish lasting 6 hours and 4 hours respectively. Finding out about baby number three (you!) could do nothing but cause joy and excitement.
The doctor told me I was about 4 weeks along and that you are as little as a poppy seed. A POPPY seed! That is very little.
Although my heart's desire was to have a girl, I understood that having another boy would be one hundred times easier. But I decided to trust that God had picked out whatever gender He knew would be right. In the Bible He tells me to "present my requests to Him" so I did. But always, not my will but His. Besides, I had all the clothes I needed for a boy, I had all the toys, the boys would naturally play well together, I know how to change boy's diapers, how to play chase/swords/tag/hide and go boo/Super Mario Galaxy with boys... whatever would I do with a girl, I thought; Braid her hair, do our makeup, talk over tea, do dishes together? Sigh... A girl can dream...
And I did dream. I dreamt of you, little Zoe. When I found out you were a girl I was more than ecstatic! God had granted my heart's desire. After two wonderful, loud, loving and super active little boys, I was grateful that God was also allowing me to raise a little girl.
Zoe, I can't wait for you to fall in love with this God who created you and knit you together in my womb. I may have carried you for 9 months and delivered you just 7 weeks ago, but it was God who knew you from before the foundations of the world. He knew your name ("Zoe", which means "life") He knew everything about your personality (which is slowly starting to show) and He knows all the days you would be on this Earth (which I hope are thousands upon tens of thousands).
I love you Tiny Thief. You have stolen my heart and I don't mind one bit. You are so precious and special to me, dear little Zoe.
Love,
Your Mama
I really want you to not have tummy aches so mama started doing some research to see what could be hurting your tummy and causing you grief. One culprit could be the protein found in cow's milk. You aren't drinking cow's milk, of course - you're not even 2 months old yet. But mama is. Lots of it! And the protein gets in the breast milk and your tummy doesn't like it one bit. So, for you, I cut it out of my diet. I am drinking only goat milk. Which I've come to like. Your grandparents are also drinking goat milk and they are saying it's the best milk in the land. You are doing a bit better since mama stopped chugging the cow's milk, but you are still pretty fussy sometimes. Your daddy and I have also purchased some gripe water for you. We call it "Pickle Juice" because it smells like a jar of dill pickles since one of the ingredients is dill. I am on the hunt for what else helps.
