I'm a Stay at Home Mom

Dear Zoe,

I am happily employed by one of the major five banks in Canada.  I am quite content in my current role and have been with the bank for over 9 years.   But since I've become your mom, Zoe, I AM a stay a home mom.  Not because I am on Maternity leave but because daily I choose to stay at home. I don't go out much. By choice.

These last couple of months have been quite different here at home.  With your arrival, we have acquired a tiny little princess in the house.  You are precious, cute and oh-so-adorable.  But you are also quite demanding - again very different than your brothers were.  And rightly so - after all, you are a girl.  Girls demand more attention.  I don't blame you.  I can see it's your tummy that is bothering you.

Since you mama has cut out cow dairy from her diet you have improved greatly.  On the days when your tummy is not bothering you, you are so chill; without a care in the world.  But those days are few and far between.  We never know when your tummy will corporate and when it will have a temper-tantrum.  I wish I could put your tummy on time-out, like I do with your brothers.  They always change their attitudes after time-out... maybe your tummy would too.

When I was a first time mom and I had your oldest brother Noah, I would pack up a bag and head out to a friend's house or the mall or run out the door for groceries with him in tow.  Never did it occur to me to skip out on a church event or not visit a friend or send someone else to get my groceries.  Noah was easy. He would nurse wherever we were and fell asleep in the car almost instantly.  Then he'd stay asleep for nearly 2 hours while I did whatever it is that I was out of the house for.

Then Josh came along.  Noah was 3 and again it wasn't a big deal.  Josh was a wee bit more difficult to please but nothing I couldn't handle.  Noah was always obedient and before Josh was mobile he was quite the angel too (as you and I both know, he's a bit more [clearing throat] independent and free-roaming now.)

But then when you came along my baby-trotting, get-up-and-go attitude has taken quite a turn.  You don't like to nurse out and about.  You are a "stay at home and nurse" type of baby.  You don't like the car as much as the boys.  Sure you'll fall asleep once we get going, but you'll still wake up in 20-30 min, whether still in the car or if we are in the store.  But at home, in mommy and daddy's king size bed, your naps are long and uninterrupted.

I love you so much baby girl.  No matter how much you've changed my world.  It's all for the better. I'll just roll with the punches and snuggle you while you'll have me.  I know one day soon (10 years or so) you'll be so annoyed with your mom who is trying oh-so-hard to be cool.

By-the-way, although you are only 2.5 months old you are already wearing 6 month clothing.  LOL.  I think it's really funny.  You are quite the long baby.  Not too chunky, but very very cute and big.  I still remember Dr. Jacey handing you to me moments after you were born, jokingly saying, "Here's your 3 month old."  And the whole room laughed.  And I fell in love with you.

So glad you are mine,
your mom

Weed

Dear Little Zoe,

Your older brother Noah, who is turning 7-years-old in one month, started Grade 2 today.  He is like a weed growing before my eyes.  I suddenly really saw him as a little man today.  He picked out his own outfit for first day - a pair of black soccer shorts, a blue "Skylanders" T-shirt and orange rain boots.  It's certainly not the first time he's picked out his clothes.  In fact, he has been voicing his preference for certain outfits or dislike for others.   If it was up to me I would have chosen a pair of jeans or khaki shorts and a plaid button-down shirt with the top button unbuttoned.  Who am I to define "cool"?  I certainly didn't know what it was when I was in elementary school... But I allowed and encouraged him to pick his own outfit so that he will feel confident for the first day.

He is slowly (but it feels more like suddenly) maturing and becoming his own little person.  I can't believe how tall he's gotten already; how attentively he hears the world around him and everything I say even when he is super hyper-focused on the LEGO gizmos he's been building.  I can be in the other room talking to his Buni or on the phone with someone and suddenly I hear him ask, "What's that mom? Where are we going on Sunday for lunch?" Or as I'm describing your other brother's latest shenanigans to your daddy, Noah will say "... yeah, Josh IS a trouble-maker."  I look over at him and he is still fully engulfed in his LEGO creation and has not even looked up.  At dinner tonight, while you were napping in the other room, he told me - in French - that he is full and can't have anymore.  I don't speak French so I was thankful that he followed up that sentence with the translation in English. It's amazing how quickly he has picked up the language.  This will be his fourth year in the French Immersion program offered by his school.  He has a knack for languages and I am certain he will be quite fluent fairly soon - if he isn't already.

I was glad to see him start school today. He does well in that structured environment and he is doing very well academically.  I have very high respect for teachers.  They are truly in the trenches everyday and I am very grateful to them.

One day, Zoe, you'll also head off to school in whatever outfit you come up with and I'm certain you'll love it too. Although I can't yet envision you running around in a little tutu around the house even, I'm sure that day will come before I know it.  I don't know what I'm feeding you kids, but you all grow up so quickly.

In fact, your turning-4-years-old-in-2-days brother Josh starts his very first day of junior kindergarden next week.  Today I visited the school with Josh and we met his teacher and walked around the classroom to see all the various centres.  He is excited about school and I'm fairly sure he'll adjust well too. Hopefully that love for adventure and exploring won't land him into too much trouble.  Your older brother Josh has always loved "all things outside". His favourite was the moon since he was very, very young.  He'd point it out and we'd have to acknowledge that we saw the moon too.  He could barely talk, but every single evening Josh would look around for the moon. He'd excitedly point out "Moooooon, mama.  Moon!" On the nights that the moon was not out, he's always say, "No moon, mama?"  He now collects rocks, sticks and loves to peel tree bark off the giant tree next to Buni's driveway. He ALWAYS picks flowers for me - even out of Apko or Sigi's garden - and asked me to put it behind my ear.  We joke around that your brother will become a park ranger on day.

Your two brothers couldn't be more different.  For Noah, spending lengthy time outside is a chore. One day this summer Noah said the following quote: "Mama, I'm outside-sick.  When people spend too much time out at sea, they get sea-sick.  So I'm outside-sick.  Can I come in?"  And later that same week Noah said to Buni when she asked for help in her garden, "I'm an indoor kid, Buni, not an outdoor one."

I wonder what you will love Zoe.  Where will your heart gravitate?  I can't wait to see your little personality emerge. For now I'm enjoying the new little smirks and smiles you're offering.

I love you,
Your mama